A late night ramble

“All that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about” - Charles Kingsley

During the course of the day three people separately told me I look happy?! As far as I am aware I haven’t done or said anything different so this was greatly appreciated. I have also been accused twice today of stalking by Edward Beckingham and Calli Lagden but I figure that doesn’t count for much, just ironic that they both said it! My beaming happiness could be due to the fact that two wonderful ladies are coming to visit this weekend, both of which I have not seen in a very long time, and all of us have either moved house/job/church, or in Catherine’s case is about to after spending a couple of months in Ghana. If people have noticed my apparent joy I hope they have not picked up on my recently acquired need to speak to inanimate objects. I think I talk to my Sat Nav far too much, mainly to tell it to be quiet, and have little conversations with the automated voice who tells me to “please enter” several times a day when I go into work. I even spontaneously made up a song which I sang to the dog this evening that flowed far to well! Anyway…..

I felt stirred to write this entry despite the desperate need of sleep and the looming chaos that it sure to be my Friday. I have just returned from Connect group (like small group but run for a term on a specific topic) where we all shared things we were thankful to God for and answers to prayer from the last few weeks of meeting together. It is always so encouraging to hear people’s stories of how God has broke through in various aspect of life. I just love the faith and dynamics of this church and am so grateful I can be a part of it. Last night some of the church members got together to make some food hampers for CAP (Christians Against Poverty) to deliver to the clients. This was such a beautiful evening and a brilliant picture of what church should be. I personally felt quite emotional seeing the hampers finished, and taking over most of Peter and Sue’s house, and can not wait to deliver the one currently sat in the boot of my car! For this I am thankful to God, that there are still people (and I am not just referring to Christians as there are loads of fantastic people out there doing amazing things) who seek to help others in anyway they can. I guess in a city there is always going to be the opportunity and need to take our eyes of ourselves and reach out to others.
I am also so so so thankful for my job. I can not believe at 24 I was blessed with the job I was aspiring to aim for one day and so far I am loving it. The days fly by and I find myself wishing I had more time at the end of the day to do more work, because I want to rather than I have to. It’s probably a good job I don’t have keys for the office door yet. Don’t get me wrong its still pretty tough but that’s the type of people I strangely choose to work with. I know there are lots of you who are doing jobs you don’t like and you know what kind of work you want to get into, but have not had the opportunity to do it yet. I too have really struggled the last two years with work. I always find it quite hard to complain about it as it must sound ridiculous to moan about a job you have trained to do. I have always known what area I particularly wanted to work in but needed to build up the experience to do it. Something that is especially difficult to do in tiny little Norwich. To be honest, to do this job I should have had far more experience than I have but in my life desperation has leads me to do some extravagant things - most of which have paid off! Although I am still very much settling in, and its only week four, I surprise myself how much I am loving being in Manchester. It does not feel like I am in a city at all and there is so much going on. The people are wonderfully friendly, work is challenging but rewarding (this is such a gravely misunderstood client group), and church is dynamic and fluid.

It is amazing how being refreshed with a new start and new challenges is giving me a new enthusiasm for life. Maybe this is showing in my general appearance, I’m not sure. Maybe I was going around with a ‘face like a slapped arse’ - forgive the expression but someone said this to me recently and it made me laugh! I suddenly find myself content with my lot and not looking for the next holiday or event to count down to. I still want to travel and would like to live abroad for a spell, but you have got to love the diversity of the British weather and enjoy the seasons. If I am learning anything it would be this - if God has a something in mind for you, it’s going to happen one way or the other. We have a choice about how we get from A to B but one way or the other we will get to where He wants us to be in His time. Way back when one was applying for University I actually got offered a place at Salford university. I now live in Salford and wonder if things would have turned out differently had I not gone to UEA. I love it here, it really is not like its reputation makes out, and wonder if this is where God wanted me to be for a season but gave me the choice to make the decision when I would come? Looking back I wouldn’t have changed anything as it has made me who I am now.

In summary, I am eternally thankful I don’t have to do this alone and I can trust in someone infinitely greater than me to work things out ahead of my clumsy steps!

The presence of absence

So week three is almost over and I still can’t believe it has been less than 21 days that I have been here. Everything is starting to look a little more familiar and I no longer get confused when I hear radio adverts that mention Manchester.

It’s funny how moving has given me the opportunity to evaluate what really matters to me, and realise things I placed such a high value on are completely worthless now. As much as I love and miss Norwich the things I find myself pining for are the people I left behind. I had all these plans in my head around how I can reinvent myself in a new place where no one knows me and I can be anything I want. I think after 6 years in one place you mould yourself into a certain way and that is how people know you and it is difficult to be anything or anyone else. Don’t misunderstood I am what I am (and what I am needs no excuses) but there are habits and routines we all conform to which are difficult to break free from and eventually become so ingrained you adopt them. This is when you become weary and tired trying to please people whose opinions don’t matter or bending over backwards unnecessarily because of the pressure put on you. Anyway after some stern words of advice from Jen Garner, I am under strict instructions not to be anyone’s doormat and to be more assertive. Unfortunately, if anything, I feel more soppy as there is this huge void where you guys who love, shape and grow me are no longer physically in my life. Unless you have been in the same situation this probably all sounds silly, and is difficult to explain, but I have a massively heavy heart due to the absence of the presence of you good Norfolk folk. As with all things, if one is not being true to ones self, it is only a matter of time before that is exposed and the pretences come crashing down. Jane Austin can summarise it perfectly for me, “I am particularly unlucky in meeting with a person so well able to expose my real character, in a part of the world, where I had hoped to pass myself off with some degree of credit”. It may amuse some of you to know that when answering the office phone to a patient, who is not on my caseload therefore never met me, told his care co-ordinator that I sounded like a very educated young lady! Maybe there is hope of passing myself off with some degree of credit?!

Anyway this is only a quick blog for those of you requesting information as I will hopefully see some of you this weekend!! I am SO excited to come and visit and see you all, it feels like it has been ages since I drove away in flood of tears!!